


Landslide

by castles_and_crowns



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: As in a Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away, Ben's POV, But not Rey or Ben!, Canon Universe, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Four Year Age Difference, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Jedi Temple, Light Angst, Rey and Ben train together, Rey's POV, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 18:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19707052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castles_and_crowns/pseuds/castles_and_crowns
Summary: After being brought to Luke's Jedi Temple, Rey begins training to become a Jedi.  Ben Solo, nephew of the Master Jedi, can't help but take a liking to this scrappy child four years his junior.  As they grow up together, they develop a meaningful and strong friendship that may eventually blossom into something even stronger.





	1. 7 & 11

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been in my head for months, and I finally got around to outlining it late last week. This is my first attempt at an in-universe Reylo fic, so we'll see how it goes.
> 
> (Also, despite using the title of an angsty song, I promise this fic won't be too heavy)

Eleven-year-old Ben Solo waits in a hangar on a scarcely populated outer rim planet. He looks up at the sky, awaiting the appearance of a piece of junk Correllian ship that has lasted way longer than it should have.

His uncle approaches him and puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Any sign?”

Ben shakes his head, his eyes not leaving the sky. “Not yet.”

“Your father’s never been one for promptness,” his uncle jokes, removing his hand and moving to stand beside Ben.

“What if he doesn’t come? Like last time?”

Ben’s father, the famous Han Solo, comes to the Jedi Temple about twice a year to drop off supplies to them and to sometimes make deliveries or trades in the village nearby. Last time he was supposed to come was for Ben’s eleventh birthday, but he cancelled last minute, citing a job he just couldn’t pass up.

“If he doesn’t come, then I’m sure he has a good reason. But don’t fret just yet. He’s only a few minutes late.”

Just then, a familiar gray ship appears overhead. Ben and his uncle watch as it makes its descent and lands in the small hangar used by his uncle’s small order of Jedi.

The moment the ship lands, Ben senses something…something unfamiliar, something a bit…anxious.

“Do you feel that?” he asks his uncle.

“I do,” his uncle nods. “Any idea what it could be?”

“No.”

The hatch of the ship, the infamous _Millennium Falcon_ , goes down and Ben’s father’s best friend Chewbacca is the first to exit, growling and waving at Ben and his uncle before making his way under the ship to no doubt make much needed repairs.

Ben waves back, but his eyes are still focused on the door. _Finally_ , his dad exits the ship, looking as rugged as ever and Ben wonders if he’ll ever look that _cool_. Ben’s eyes then widen when he realizes his father isn’t alone. He’s followed by… _a little girl?_

“I bet she’s the answer to what you sensed,” his uncle comments thoughtfully.

“Ben! Luke!” his dad exclaims, coming down the ramp. The little girl, dressed in tan rags with her brown hair done up in three messy buns, follows behind him, clearly shy if not a little scared. Han turns around and takes the little girl’s hand. “Come on now. Don’t be frightened. That old guy right there—he’s the one I’ve been telling you about.”

His Uncle Luke has already started making his way toward his dad. “I should remind you that I’m thirteen years younger than you, Han.”

His father chuckles. “Shh, not in front of the little one.”

“Ah yes, and who is this little one?” Luke asks, bending down in front of her once he reaches them.

She mumbles something that Ben can’t hear, so Ben decides to move in a little closer.

“I found her on Jakku, levitating junk at Niima Outpost for petty credits.”

“Really?” Luke asks, looking from the girl to Han, before standing up once more.

“Really. Had a little talk with her, then had a _chat_ with her so-called guardian, and thought maybe she’d be interested in training with you. Beats performing magic tricks for credits she doesn’t even get to keep.”

“The Force isn’t magic,” Ben says.

His father, his uncle, and the little girl’s eyes all fall on him. He meets the child’s eyes, searching for something in them, though he doesn’t know what.

“Ben’s right,” Luke says. “The Force isn’t magic.” Then to the girl, he says, “Would you mind coming back to my temple with me? Perhaps we could spend some time together and you could show me some of your abilities.”

She nods.

His father releases her hand, and Luke takes it.

“We’ll meet up with you two in a bit,” Luke says, leading the girl away and leaving father and son alone.

His father pats him on the back. “You look well, kid.”

“Who’s the girl?” Ben asks, ignoring his dad’s comment.

“Her name is Rey. As I said, I found her doing magic— _I mean_ , using the Force at an outpost in the Western Reaches. I recognized it for what it was and sat her down for a talk. Turns out her guardian, some bloated Crolute that I’ve had the misfortune of dealing with in the past, takes all the money she earns at the end of the day and keeps it for himself. Chewie and I decided to have a little… _talk_ with him, and then spoke to Rey again to see if she’d be interested in training with the great Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. She said she’d like to meet him first, and so here we are.”

“I see,” Ben says, taking this all in. “I wonder if Master Luke will take her. We already got five new students this year. It’s a lot for him to take on. The oldest students won’t become masters themselves for another year or two.”

His father chuckles, before leading Ben back toward his ship. “If I know your uncle, if little Rey is interested, he’ll take her on.”

***

Ben has been tasked with giving Rey a tour of the temple and its surrounding areas.

Luke had sat with her for three hours, meditating and observing her natural talent with the Force. From what Ben could overhear of his uncle and father’s conversation, Rey is gifted for a seven year old.

“I’ve only seen this raw talent once before. In Ben,” Luke had said to Han.

Ben, the nephew of the last Jedi Luke Skywalker and grandson of the Chosen One Anakin Skywalker, is widely known throughout the Temple as being the most skilled Jedi in training of his age group, and even more skilled than a lot of his superiors. The pressure gets to him sometimes, but he tries to take it in stride.

But to hear that this little girl is so powerful, it fascinates him. He wants to see for himself what she can do. He won’t ask though. He remembers what it was like before he joined Luke, back when he still attended regular schooling on Chandrila. His peers all knew he possessed the Force, and they’d try to get him to perform for them…much like this little girl Rey did back on her home planet. It all felt very artificial and it always made him a bit uncomfortable. He’d never want to put this little girl through that just for his own amusement. If she decides to join them, he’ll see what she can do soon enough.

He leads her through the forest located behind the main temple, watching her closely as her head swivels to take in everything.

“I never knew there was this much green in the entire galaxy,” she says in awe.

Ben chuckles. “Yeah, it’s pretty beautiful. There’s actually a lake with crystal clear water not too far away from here. Sometimes we go swimming when it’s warm enough.”

“A lake?” She’s still completely awestruck.

“Yeah, you know, a body of water.”

Rey nods. “I know what a lake is. I’ve just never _seen_ one. Jakku is a desert planet.”

“Well, we’ll have to take you swimming sometime,” Ben tells her. “That is, if you decide to stay.”

Rey nods again, this time more thoughtfully. They’re silent for a while, as Ben takes her deeper into the woods. When they finally reach a small clearing, Ben stops.

He’s not sure why he’s decided to take her here. Truthfully, he’s not sure he even really thought about it. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. To take this kid, supposedly so much like himself, to the spot he comes to when he wants to practice privately or get away from everyone else.

“This is my special spot,” Ben tells her. “No one comes here but me, so if you decide to stay, you can’t tell anyone about it.”

Rey, who is walking up to a boulder to examine it, answers, “I won’t.”

He watches silently as she runs her hands across the rough surface of the boulder.

“You wrote on it.” It’s not a question, just an observation.

“Just my name,” Ben says, blushing.

“And tally marks,” she observes, her eyes not leaving the boulder. She runs her fingers back and forth across the marks. “Why?”

She looks up at him as she asks the question, and Ben approaches her. Her eyes stay on him, but he only looks at the tallies on the boulder.

“I didn’t want to be here at first,” Ben tells her. “My parents sent me here because they thought it’d be good for me to be with other Force users. The whole first year I was here, all I wanted was to be back home. I’d come here pretty much ever day and daydream about being home with my parents. I made a mark for every day I’d come out here.”

Finally, he looks at Rey, and, to his alarm, she has tears in her eyes.

“Force, what did I say?” he asks, cringing. He always says the wrong thing somehow, and now he’s managed to upset this little girl.

She wipes a fallen tear away with the back of her hand.

“I did that too,” she whispers.

“What?”

"Back home. My parents left me about three years ago. I—I thought they were going to come back for me.”

_Oh._

"So you made tallies too, counting the days until they'd come back.”

She nods, her eyes returning to the boulder and running her hand across the marks once more. “But they never did come back. They’re weren’t ever going to come back.”

“They died?” he guesses.

“Yes.”

His heart breaks a little. “I’m sorry.”

She turns to him once more, and to his surprise, she offers him a watery smile. “Thank you.”

He just nods, not knowing what else to say.

They both just gaze at the boulder once more, though Ben doubts either is truly _looking_ at it.

“I think I’d like to stay,” Rey says softly, after a long silence.

“Oh?”

"Yeah,” she replies with more confidence. "Yeah, I'd like to stay."

Ben smiles, feeling a strange kinship with this young orphan girl. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/castles_crowns) and/or [Tumblr!](https://castles-and-crowns.tumblr.com)


	2. 10 & 14

_Empty your mind. Let the Force flow through you._

Master Luke’s words are in Rey’s head as she tries to work on her meditation.

It’s been three years since Rey came to study at Luke’s Jedi Temple, and she still hasn’t gotten meditation down for more than a handful of minutes.

There are whispers among her teachers that she’s strong in the Force— _particularly_ strong. That she’s got a raw talent that they haven’t seen in years. But Rey doesn’t see it like that. She can’t even master clearing her mind.

She shakes off that thought, again trying to empty her mind of these unhelpful thoughts.

Once again, she attempts to turn off her senses, to close her mind to the bugs buzzing around her and the wind blowing in the trees. She attempts to block out the occasionally tinkering sound coming from her right. 

But the more she focuses on the tinkering, the louder it seems to get. And the more frustrated she becomes

“Your mind is really loud, Rey,” the deep voice from her right comments dryly. “You need to let go of your thoughts.”

Rey slowly opens her eyes and sees Ben staring at her, grinning that lazy grin of his and leaning against his special spot’s signature boulder.

They’d come out here an hour or so ago, their training for the day completed. Rey had said she wanted to practice meditating, so Ben had invited her to come with him to his spot. He did this at least once a week, and Rey always held it as a massive honor. To her knowledge, he didn’t invite anyone else out here.

“I’m _trying_ ,” she grumbles.

He chuckles, eyes returning to his newly minted lightsaber he’s been fiddling with. “I know you are. It’s going to take time.”

“It’s been _three years_.”

“Meditation doesn’t come easily. You’re practicing. And you’ve gotten better. A year ago, your thoughts were buzzing at top volume. Now, they’re just at a dull roar.”

Frowning, Rey pushes his shoulder, and he laugh before pushing her back.

“I’m just messing with you. You really have gotten better. Like I said, you just have to keep at it.”

Ben may be right, but Rey just wants to pout a little. Sure, she’s gotten better, but she’s not where she thinks she needs to be. And _that’s_ what annoys her.

“I’m never going to get this down.”

“Yes, you are,” Ben says. “You just need more practicing clear that head of yours.”

Ben playfully taps his lightsaber on Rey’s head, and she giggles a little, despite wanting to sulk.

“At this rate, I’m never going to get a lightsaber of my own,” she says, eyeing his weapon enviously.

Ben groans and sets the lightsaber down at his side. Rey has the feeling she’s about to be on the receiving end of one of his lectures.

He may only be four years older than her, but for some reason, Ben seems to have taken it upon himself to be Rey’s unofficial mentor. He constantly doles out unsolicited advice and loves to lecture her on anything he thinks she needs educating on.

Not that Rey is ever going to tell him to stop. Ben is her best friend, and to her constant wonder, he seems to greatly enjoy her company as well.

“You’ve got four more years before you qualify to get a crystal for your lightsaber. Not being able to master meditating isn’t going to stop you from that. But what _will_ stop you is this self-pity thing that you’re doing.”

Rey looks down at her lap, avoiding his eyes.

“You’re a good student, Rey. No, you’re a _great_ student. Your skills will continue to develop and be refined the more you study and train.”

“I guess,” Rey huffs, eyes still looking down.

“ _Rey.”_

The seriousness in his voice draws her gaze back up to his. His honey brown eyes hold her hazel ones.

“You’re going to be a great Jedi one day. You might even be better than me.”

Her face heats a little at his compliment.

“But you’re only ten. You’ve got time. So keep working, and don’t be so hard on yourself. Or rather, be hard on yourself, but don’t beat yourself up when you fall short.”

He stops speaking, but Rey can tell he’s not done yet. His eyes search hers for a moment before seeming to come to a decision.

“I didn’t tell you the story about finding my crystal.”

Ben had gotten his crystal less than a month ago. Luke had taken Ben, along with three other students his age, to Ilum to search for the kyber crystals for their lightsabers, as was Jedi tradition. They’d been gone for just under a week, and when Ben returned, he held a small blue crystal in his hand.

“Vera found her crystal in less than a day. Lii and Fanna found theirs on the third day. It took my _six days_ to find my crystals. Before I found it, I felt like such a failure. I felt like maybe I wasn’t worthy of having one. As if despite all my work and all my training, I hadn’t earned the privilege to build a lightsaber. I wanted to give up, to go back to Luke and ask if I could just try again next year. But then just as I was about to give up, I had an epiphany. I felt the Force flowing through me in a way I never had before, and I realized that I was here for a reason. Luke believed I was supposed to be here, and deep down, I knew I did too. I felt it in the Force. I found the crystal less than an hour later. It was practically _singing_ to me. And I knew then that my search for the crystal, that my patience in finding it was my final test before I could get it.

“We all experience these moments of doubt. And they suck. But it’s normal, and we can’t let that doubt control us. We have to keep going, keep striving.”

He looks at her hard for a moment, seemingly to make sure that she understands, and then asks, “Okay?”

“Okay.” Her voice is soft. Humbled.

He nods, satisfied, and then picks up his lightsaber and gets back to work.

She sits and watches him work in silence, just watching his fingers nimbly move around his weapon with the tiny toolset he brought with him. She doesn’t think too hard about her insecurities or about what Ben has just told her. Surely, she’ll mull over it that night in her bed and over the next few days. But for now, just having Ben’s confidence in her is enough. Being in his presence is _enough._

Eventually though, the sun begins to disappear, and they both know it’s time to head back to the Temple. Luke has set a curfew, requiring all students to be back on the grounds at dark.

Ben stands up, attaching his lightsaber to the belt on his hip and dusting the dirt of his trousers.

“Alright, kid, I think it’s time we get going.”

Rey groans.

She always laments the end of their one-on-one time together. There’s an easiness that comes with spending time with Ben. There’s an _understanding_ between them that she hasn’t yet found with any of the other students at the Temple. It’s not like that for Ben though. He may spend a lot of time with Rey, but he also makes time for friends closer to his own age. He laughs and jokes with his peers in a way Rey cannot with her own. With Ben though, Rey can joke and can laugh. But she can also sit in a perfectly comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

Ben laughs at Rey’s grumbling and offers her his hand. She takes it, and he pulls her up.

As they make their way back, they pass Vera and Fanna—cousins and students who are Ben’s age—sparring on the edge of the Temple grounds with their new lightsabers.

Ben and Rey pause a moment to watch the fight. Vera’s green lightsaber clashes against Fanna’s blue on, and Rey watches, fascinated, as Vera becomes more aggressive, driving Fanna back.

“Vera’s so good,” Rey observes quietly, watching in fascination as the raven-haired girl skillfully swings her weapon.

“Yeah, but look how hard she’s going against her cousin,” Ben points out. “Why could that become a problem?”

Rey thinks about it a moment before shrugging.

“She’s going to tire out if she keeps up like that. Watch Fanna. She’s just as skilled with her weapon; she’s just not exerting herself as much. So once Vera starts to grow tired, Fanna will have the distinct upper hand.”

They watch for a few more minutes, and sure enough, Vera becomes visibly worn out and she begins to struggle. Fanna is then able to change from defense to offense and soon enough has her cousin trapped between herself and a tree.

“You were right,” Rey comments, as they start walking again.

Ben shrugs, but Rey can tell that he’s pleased with himself.

“I can’t wait until I can spar against you someday.”

“Oh yeah?” He turns to her, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’m going to save up all the tips and tricks you’ve been telling me,” she says, tapping her index finger to her skull, “And when I finally get my own lightsaber in my hand, I’m going to _destroy_ you.”

She’d said it mostly to mess with him, but both of Ben’s eyebrows shoot up all the way hairline, and he stares at her, clearly surprised, before his face breaks out into a wide, crooked grin.

“ _There’s_ that confidence,” he finally says, ruffling the hair on top of her head.

For the second time that day, Rey’s face warms. But this time, something in her chest does as well.

She tucks the strange feeling in her chest away, deciding to not think about it for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Fanna was the name of an imaginary friend I had when I was three.


	3. 12 & 16

The sun is just starting to rise when Rey and Ben make their way out to the training field at the edge of the Temple’s grounds. He’d promised her an early morning sparring session after she had spent weeks begging him.

Ben, who’d had his lightsaber for two years now, didn’t want to revert back to fighting with wooden sticks, but Rey, who was becoming increasingly good at fighting the other students her own age, had pleaded with him to spar with her so that she could get some training with a more experienced opponent.

" _I’m tired of beating them so easily all the time,” she’d said the previous night at dinner. She’d be wearing him down for weeks, but he still hadn’t given in._

_"You better not let Luke hear you talking like that,” he had replied, not even looking at her as he took a bite of his stew._

_She ignored his comment and said, “I just want to stay challenged, Ben. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”_

_"If we do this, it’s going to be early. Like before anyone else is up.”_

_Rey had groaned. Ben knew she had never been a morning person._

_"I’m serious, Rey. I don’t want all the younger students asking to spar with me. I’d only be doing this because you’re you.”_

_"Okay, fine, we can do it in the morning.”_

_“Great. I’ll come get you at sunrise then.”_

When they get to the training field, Ben grabs them two sticks and tosses her one, which, of course, she catches easily.

“Remember, I want a challenge. I don’t want you going easy on me,” she tells him, her expression serious.

Ben laughs and nods. He hadn’t been planning on it.

They bow quickly and begin circling each other, feeling out each other’s energy, before finally Rey charges toward Ben. He raises his stick and it smacks loudly against hers. He drives her back a few feet before twisting away and forcing her to turn around to face him again.

Rey attempts another blow, which he blocks easily. He can feel both her frustration and excitement through the Force. The challenge is exhilarating, but she’s also annoyed that this is so easy for him.

“How you doing, Rey?” he teases, blocking another strike she makes and then makes one of his own, which she impressively blocks.

“I’m doing just fine,” she grunts, backing away from him.

Ben can see she’s trying to decide on a new strategy.

She twirls the wooden stick in her hand before seeming to come to a decision.

_Whatcha got for me, kid?_

Rey runs toward him, and Ben lifts up his stick ready to block any strike or perhaps get a strike in of his own. But to his surprise, before he gets a chance, Rey runs past him. He turns quickly, but she’s already facing him again, raising her stick. He parries her strike, but just barely.

She grins, eyes sparkling with excitement, from both the physical and mental momentum.

It goes on like this for a while, Rey and Ben both getting chances to have the upper hand. It’s actually the most fun he’s had sparring in awhile, even if it is just with a wooden stick. Rey is good, very good in fact, and could easily train with the older students; however, Luke believes that nobody advances ahead of schedule. Maybe he and Rey could arrange a few more early morning sessions though. 

He’s currently forcing her back once more, this time in the direction of the barrel where the sticks are kept. She practically growling at him, doing her best to fight and force him away from her, but in the last few minutes she’s lost a bit of her stamina.

And then to his surprise, she stops moving back, and Ben almost crashes into her.

“Sorry,” she says, dropping her stick and leaning over to put her hands on her knees, as Ben backs up a few steps to give her some room. “I just need a minute.”

His first inclination is to tease her, but the grimace on her face stops him. “You okay?”

Her eyes are closed as she waves off his concern. “Yeah. I just have a cramp. Probably should have held off on that protein bar until after we sparred.”

“Probably.”

He watches Rey as she takes a few deep breaths, but then his eyes notice something.

_Rey is bleeding._

She’s got blood on the inside of the upper thighs of her trousers. For an irrational moment he thinks, _I didn’t hurt her there_ , but then common sense takes over, and he realizes…

This is not a situation for which he’s equipped.

“Um, Rey, I think we should stop for the day.”

Still bending over, Rey opens her eyes and lifts her head a little. “No, I’m fine. I just need another minute. Don’t wimp out on me now, Solo.”

“I’m not. I just think we should call it for today.”

At that, she straightens up and puts her hands on her hips. “Why?”

Ben’s face is already pink from exertion, but he’s certain it’s bright red now.

_Does she even know what’s happening to her? Had someone talked to her about basic human biology?_

He clears his throat, and his eyes flit away from hers.

“You’re cycle has begun,” he mumbles.

“What?” she asks, and her confusion answers Ben’s previous questions about her knowledge of the situation.

Slowly, he approaches her and picks up the stick she’d dropped on the ground.

“Hey, what are you doing? Ben, what’s going on?”

He deposits both of their sticks back in the bin, before turning to face her once more. Pure confusion is painted on her face, and Ben desperately doesn’t want to be the one to explain to her what’s happening. Certainly Luke is not the one to handle this situation, so he devises another plan.

“Let’s go find Vera and Fanna.”

“What in the _Force_ is happening?” she asks again, now shouting a little. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me why you’re being weird all of a sudden.”

Ben’s eyes pointedly dart back down to her pants and then up at her face. Rey looks down to where Ben’s gaze had just been. She blanches.

“I’m bleeding,” she gasps, obviously terrified.

Ben nods.

“What’s happening to me?”

_What’s he supposed to say to that?_

“Let’s go see Vera and Fanna.”

And then he quickly takes off in the direction of their dormitories, leaving her no choice but to follow him.

“Am I going to die?” Her voice is quivering.

“No,” Ben responds, picking up his pace.

“How do you know?”

He has to stop his feet from breaking out in a run.

“Because it’s normal.”

“ _Normal?_ Bleeding without getting injured is _normal_?”

They’re almost to the dorms, thank the Force.

“Rey, can you wait for Vera and Fanna to explain this to you?”

He glances over at her and immediately feels guilty when he sees the pure fear displayed across her face. She wants—no, needs immediately reassurance.

Sighing, he says, “It happens to girls around your age. It’s nothing…bad. Vera and Fanna will know what to do.”

When they get to the cousins’ shared room, Ben knocks on their door. He hears moving and some imperceptible mumbles before a sleepy-looking Vera opens the door.

“What do you want, Solo?”

“It’s Rey,” he says, gesturing to the still-terrified girl behind him. “She’s...started her cycle.”

Vera’s sleepy expression immediately transforms into one of mirth. She crosses her arms and leans across the threshold of her door, eyeing Rey and chuckling. Ben doesn’t like it.

“Finally becoming a woman, eh?”

“What?”

Ben turns to Rey, whose arms are wrapped around herself. She’s almost in tears at this point.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Vera asks. Her grin grows wicked, and Ben is about to drag Rey away and find someone else, but then Fanna comes to the door.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“Rey’s begun her cycle,” Vera answers.

Fanna immediately moves past the doorway, brushes past Vera and Ben, and goes to Rey.

“Come see, Rey,” she encourages, ushering her into their room. “We’re going to take care of everything.”

***

Ben doesn’t see Rey, Vera, or Fanna again until dinner that evening.

He watches as the three of them enter the dining hall and stand in line to get their dinner. Then, to his surprise, they separate, Vera and Fanna going to one table and a very pink-faced Rey making her way toward Ben.

Barely making eye contact with him, she places her plate on the table and then sits across from him. He doesn’t want to stare or make her feel more uncomfortable than she’s surely feeling at this moment, but she’s chosen to sit by him, so she mustn’t be too embarrassed.

“So…” she mutters, eyes still on her dinner plate. “I understand what’s happening now.”

He makes a mental note to thank Vera and Fanna privately later. Maybe he can offer to take their cleaning duties off their hands for a few days.

“Good,” he replies. “I’m glad that’s all…straightened out.”

She nods and finally peaks up at him. “Yeah.” She pauses for a moment, and then, “And thank you. For, you know, making sure I was taken care of.”

“Oh, no, that’s all Vera and Fanna, I’m sure.”

“No,” Rey replies, shaking her head. “I mean, for not…freaking out and knowing to bring me to them. Fanna said some guys get really weird about… _it_. And you didn’t.”

He can’t help but chuckle a little, thinking she’s giving him way too much credit.

“I don’t know, Rey. I freaked out a little.”

She’s looking straight at him now. There’s still a little pink dusting her cheeks, but she’s seemed to gain some confidence.

“Maybe a little, but you didn’t think I was gross and you didn’t make fun of me for not knowing what was happening.”

“Rey, I would _never_ make fun of you for that. For how you eat? Sure. For the way you fall asleep during morning meditation? Definitely. But never for something like that.”

She giggles and he feels any residual awkwardness between them dissipate.

They eat their dinner together, occasionally chatting and occasionally in comfortable silence, and just as they’re finishing up, Rey gets this impish look on her face.

“What?”

“Do you think we could have a redo?” she asks.

“A redo?” he says blankly.

“A rematch, I mean.”

Ben groans and Rey starts laughing again, this time loud enough that a few people around them stare.

Ben rolls his eyes good-naturedly and bites the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

“Sure, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had way too much time on my hands over the past 4 or so days, which is why this fic has had two quick updates. I don't anticipate the next update being up for a bit though, just a head's up.
> 
> When I originally decided to write this fic, I had planned on it following the same beats as my fic [Through the Years](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15457998/chapters/35883429) and Rey getting her period is one of the scenes in that fic. As I revised and reworked the outline though, I realized it was drifting a lot from my original idea. I wanted to keep this scene in though, because it amuses me (and was really fun to write), and because I do think it serves a purpose in the story. Hopefully you didn't find it too weird.
> 
> Also, that was my first time writing anything resembling a fight scene, and omg they're ridiculously hard to write, so major props to all you authors out there who write them so beautifully!
> 
> I've also put together a [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0e7JqjhGQDbwoOWuNKkvBy?si=3r9ooPfRQX-TOlWqB3q0NA) for this fic! Songs will be added as the fic progresses. Feel free to check it out!
> 
> Thank you for reading and for the warm reception to this fic so far!


	4. 14 & 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while mostly sleep deprived. Hopefully you won't be able to tell!

Ben is out in the forest meditating at his special spot when he feels a ripple in the Force.

_They’re back._

He leaves the forest, making his way back to Temple, knowing that she’ll be seeking him out the minute her feet touch the ground. And sure enough, just as he’s making his way through the last of the trees, he spots Rey in the distance, running right for him and a smile can’t help but creep its way onto his face.

He can sense her excitement from here. _She’s found her crystal._

“Ben!” she shouts, still racing toward him. “I found it! I found my crystal!”

“That’s great,” he chuckles as she reaches him. “Let’s see it.”

Rey reaches into the small satchel she’s wearing across her body and pulls open the drawstrings. She reaches her hand into the bag and pulls it out a moment later, palm closed and hand thrust toward him.

“Guess what color!”

Ben opens his mouth to reply, but it seems the question was either rhetorical or Rey just couldn’t wait for him to guess because she replies before he can answer.

“It’s blue!” She opens her palm to proudly show him her kyber crystal. “Just like yours!”

“Nice.” He leans down a little to examine the crystal, knowing better than to touch a crystal found by another. “So you’re ready to build your lightsaber?”

“Yes! Micah, Kalli, and I were going to start working on them tonight!”

Ben understands her enthusiasm. He’d practically locked himself in his room after returning with his crystal and worked for days on creating his lightsaber. And even after it was functional, he tinkered with it for weeks, attempting to perfect it.

Grinning at the girl he likes to think he took under his wing years back when she came to the Temple, he says, “Well, off you go, then. The sooner you have it made, the sooner we can spar. For real this time.”

Rey’s responding smile is almost blinding. “Oh, you’re _so_ on.”

***

“Ben.”

He’s half asleep when he hears someone whisper his name. Maybe it’s just a dream?

“ _Ben._ ”

He groans. It’s pitch black in his room. It’s still the middle of the night, isn’t it?

“ _Ben, get up!_ ”

Ben pops up in bed, fully awake as the soft voice turns into an excited whisper that’s really not a whisper at all.

“What? What’s going on?” he grunts as he waves his hand to turn on the small light at his bedside.

With the dim light, he can see Rey standing beside his bed, looking way too elated for this time of night.

“What are you doing in here?”

Her hands, which had previously been behind her back, come forward and she holds out a fully constructed lightsaber.

“I did it!” she squeals.

“And you had to wake me up for that?” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair and tugging at the strands a bit to help wake him up.

“I wanted you to be the first to see,” she answers, her enthusiasm not waned by his lack of excitement. “I haven’t even turned it on yet!”

Ben raises an eyebrow. “So you don’t know if it even works?”

“It works,” she tells him, twirling the weapon in her hand. “I can _feel_ it.”

He leans in to get a closer look. Cylindrical in shape and silver with just a hint of copper in color, the weapon has ridges for gripping just below the activating button. In that way, it’s just like his. He can’t help but feel just a little proud at that he had even a small influence on the construction of the weapon she’s likely to carry around with her for the rest of her life.

He slowly rises from the bed, reaches for a shirt with the Force, and slips it on. He crosses his arms and then nods at her.

“Let’s see it then.”

Rey quickly nods _okay_ and gets into a proper position to hold the weapon—feet shoulder length apart and gripping the lightsaber with both hands. He watches as she takes a deep breath before pressing the button on her weapon.

The blue light illuminates her, making her young features appear both sharp and beautiful, and for the first time, Ben consciously thinks that she’s a pretty young woman and that she’s probably going to be stunning when she grows up.

It’s clear the blue light emitting from her lightsaber mesmerizes her, and Ben won’t lie—he’s mesmerized too. But he’s also captivated by the magnitude of power flowing from Rey. It comes off of her in waves, and Ben knows—not only will she be a beautiful Jedi, she will be one of the strongest they’ve ever seen.

With the Force, he calls for his own saber, which comes flying into his hand, before quickly igniting it. He holds his blue light out to hers, almost as if in an offering. She grins and, in turn, steps forward and carefully touches the plasma of her weapon to his.

The sound the connecting sabers make is so much more gratifying than the crude clacking noise of wooden sticks.

“Wow,” she breathes, her eyes meeting his.

He feels it, just as she must: the humming power of their connected lightsabers. It’s in the air around them, something both extremely potent and somehow almost musical.

“I want to spar,” she tells him, hazel eyes sparkling with a tinge of blue.

“Yeah,” he agrees, his voice coming out softer than he expects.

“Now?”

He chuckles before pulling back and extinguishing his blade. “No. I want to be well rested when I fight you.”

“Tomorrow night then? After everyone’s asleep?” She waggles her eyebrows mischievously, and Ben feels a pang of guilt in the pit of his stomach.

As much as he wants to fight her, to see what it’s like for them to spar using lightsabers, he’d already made plans—clandestine plans—for the following evening.

He and some of the older students are planning on sneaking off Temple grounds and into village nearby. The settlement is just a smattering of people—not enough to really even be considered a town—but Ben knows from his father that they have a cantina in the village, and he and the others want a chance to experience life outside of the Temple if only for a few hours.

Frowning, Ben tells her that he can’t tomorrow night.

Her brow furrows. “Why?”

He sits on the side of his bed, and Rey, blade now extinguished, joins him.

“You can’t tell Master Luke.”

“What are you doing, Ben?” Her eyes are wide with curiosity.

“Some of us are going to head over to the settlement a couple clicks away.”

“Oh, sneaking out! That sounds like fun!” she exclaims. “Can I come?”

She looks so excited, so hopeful. He’s never purposefully excluded her from something before, but he knows she’s too young to go exploring the village with them. The few students who are going are all around the same age, and Rey…well, she’s still a child.

“I don’t think so, Rey,” he tells her gently.

He has to look away from her when he sees the hurt in her eyes. Seeing it, in turn, hurts _him_.

“Why?”

“Because this is something the older kids are doing.”

“Like Vera and Fanna?” she asks, and he’s pretty sure she’s pouting a little.

“Yes, and Lii and Otto too.”

“Oh.” Her eyes drop to her hands in her lap.

Ben takes one of her hands and gives it a quick reassuring squeeze. “But I promise we’ll spar soon. Really soon.”

She doesn’t say anything and continues to just look at their clasped hands.

“Okay, Rey?” he prods softly.

She nods before pulling her gaze back up to his. “Yeah, okay.”

Relief washes over him and he gives her a small grin.

“And I’m definitely going to kick your ass,” she adds, pushing his shoulder with her own.

He lets out a laugh that’s a little too loud for this time of night.

“We’ll see about that, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't remember if padawans knew the color of their crystals before inserting it into their lightsabers, but in this universe they do.
> 
> This was a bit of a filler chapter, but it's important for me to show both Rey growing up a little as well as them not growing apart necessarily, but having a bit of disconnect due to their age difference. The next chapter will hopefully have some angst now that Rey's become a proper teenager.
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0e7JqjhGQDbwoOWuNKkvBy?si=3r9ooPfRQX-TOlWqB3q0NA) for the first four chapters! Songs will be added as the fic progresses. If you've got suggestions for more songs, please comment below.


	5. 15 & 19

Rey is skimming over a copy of one of the ancient Jedi texts. Master Luke had discovered them on one of his journeys many years back and brought them with him when he decided to reestablish a Jedi Temple. Throughout the years, Ben, who had a natural talent for calligraphy, had transcribed them, and it was one of those transcriptions she is reading now.

She’s midway through a particularly dull chapter on ancient Force healing techniques when there is a soft tap on her door. Reaching out through the Force, Rey senses who is behind the door and grins.

“Come in,” she calls out, not leaving her spot on the bed.

“Hey,” Ben greets, walking into her room and sitting on the edge of the bed. “I just wanted to stop by and say goodbye before I leave tomorrow.”

She does her best to hide her delight, both in the Force and in her expression, but deep down, Rey can’t help but be pleased by Ben’s appearance tonight.

Over the past year or so, things have been different between them. Ben still hangs out with Rey, but now he spends a lot more of his time with the other students his age. And more so than not, when he is with him, she’s not invited to tag along. At first it had really hurt her feelings—and sometimes it still does—but she’d been completely on her own before Ben, so him now splitting his time between her and the other students doesn’t destroy her. She just spends that extra bit of alone time studying because Ben’s social habits aren’t the only thing that has changed over the past year.

Now fifteen, Rey has really grown into her powers. She’d always been naturally gifted, but she’s even stronger now. She regularly spars with the older students, even beating them on occasion, and she’s beginning to master other Force-related talents as well. She’s determined to be the greatest Jedi of her generation.

At Ben’s words, Rey shuts the book and sighs. “I’m so jealous you get to go to _Coruscant._ I’ve always wanted to go there. The holos make it look so beautiful.”

“It’s overrated,” Ben tells her, with the casualness of someone who has been to dozens of planets.

Rey and Ben may both live relatively simple lives at the Temple, but it’s in moments like this that Rey remembers that Ben is actually incredibly privileged. He’s the son of an infamous smuggler turned general and of a princess turned senator. Before coming to the temple, Ben had lived in a posh apartment on Chandrila, one of the wealthiest planets in the Core and attended a fancy school with equally privileged peers. He’d had access to books and holos and endless amounts of food. Rey, on the other hand, had none of that.

“Maybe so, but you also get to go to a _ball_.”

She adjusts herself on the bed to make room for him, and he scoots up so that they’re sitting next to each other, their backs resting against the wall.

“Also overrated,” he snorts.

“You’re such a downer, Ben,” she laughs, shoving him a little. “I don’t even know what a ball is like!”

“You wear fancy, uncomfortable clothes, dance to dreadful music, and talk to terribly boring people. Does any of that sound like fun to you?”

Rey frowns. “Well, when you put it like that…”

“I am excited to see my mom though. I miss her.”

That’s right. Because the ball Ben is attending is in honor of his mother; that's the whole reason he's going. It’s a ball to celebrate her twenty-five years of service to the galaxy. She’d been a senator during the waning years of the Empire, before fighting in the Alliance and helping to establish the New Republic. Rey had read all about her in a holo book she’d found in the Temple’s library and proceeded to hound Ben about her for weeks.

“Your father will be there too, right?”

Ben instantly becomes uncomfortable and shrugs, as he looks down at his lap and doesn’t say anything.

“Why are you so hard on him?”

His eyes snap back to hers. _“Rey.”_

She recognizes his tone as a warning, but she persists. “I just don’t get it. He’s so nice and so cool and—“

“ _Enough, Rey_.” He doesn’t quite snap at her, but it’s close.

She’ll never understand why he has such a weird relationship with his father. If she had a father like Han—Force, if she’d just had a father who was present at all—she’d be ecstatic to see him after many months apart.

“Okay, sorry,” she says, her voice sheepish.

“It’s fine.” He then pulls out a pocket-sized datapad from his pocket. “Since you’re so interested in this ball, do you want to see the ridiculous outfit I’ll be wearing?”

“Yes!”

Ben scrolls through his datapad for a moment before finding the picture he’s looking for. He hands her the datapad and she examines the picture closely

It’s actually not that ridiculous at all; in fact, Rey thinks it’s very suave. Ben will be wearing navy blue robes with silver accents and a matching cape.

She looks up at him and smiles. “I love it.”

Ben rolls his eyes, but she’s pretty sure she sees the slightest blush dusted on his cheeks.

As she goes to hand the datapad back to him, her finger accidentally scrolls across the screen and the next image she sees is a beautiful black gown with a wide hoop skirt and thick magenta, gold, and violet beading that covers the entire strapless top before shooting down the skirt like flames.

It’s the most beautiful thing Rey has ever seen, and she can’t help but picture herself in the gown, walking into the glamorous ball on Ben’s arm.

“Who’s dress is this?” she asks breathlessly, transfixed by the gown’s splendor.

“Oh,” Ben says, snatching the datapad away. “I don’t know. My mom must have accidentally sent it to me when she sent the picture of my wardrobe.”

“It’s stunning.”

He tucks the datapad back in his pocket. “Yeah, it’s nice, I guess.”

Ben then stands from the bed and pulls Rey up with him. Once their both standing, he wraps his arms around her.

“You’re going to behave while I’m gone, right kid?”

His chin rests on the top of her head, and Rey loves when they get to be like this.

“Of course,” she replies, stiffing a giggle into his chest.

“You’re not going to give Master Luke too much trouble?”

"I’m not the one of us who gives him trouble.”

Ben steps back from their hug but leaves his hands on his shoulders. “You’re getting a bit of an attitude as you get older,” he teases.

“If I have one, I got it from you,” she counters, quirking an eyebrow in challenge.

A wide, crooked smile spreads across his face. “I’m going to miss you, brat.”

“I’ll miss you too,” she replies, pulling him back into another hug.

***

They’d said goodbye last night, but Rey decides to go down the hangar early the next morning to see Han and wish Ben goodbye one last time.

She makes it to the hangar just after sunrise and is delighted to see that the Falcon is already there. She spots Ben talking with Luke and Han and decides to hang back and let them have their reunion as a family.

Watching the three of them together brings this little twist of jealousy in the pit of Rey’s stomach. Ben and Luke—and even Han to an extent—have been the closest thing Rey has ever had to a family, but watching the three of them together now reminds Rey that she’s still an outsider.

From the corner of the hangar she's standing in, she sees Ben’s eyes stray from Han's and Luke’s and scan the hangar. She waits for his eyes to meet hers, but instead they stop short at the entrance. Rey turns to see Fanna walking into the hangar with a rucksack over her shoulder. Fanna waves to Ben, and Rey’s head swivels back to see Ben smile and wave in response. Han claps Ben on the shoulder and goes toward Fanna, presumably to help her with her bag.

Rey doesn’t understand.

Is Fanna _going with_ Ben to Coruscant?

_Why_ is Fanna going with Ben to Coruscant?

She’s thankful in this moment that she’s in a corner of the hangar where she can get away with not being noticed because she’s kind of freaking out.

Ben and Fanna are friends. They’ve been friends since Rey came to the Temple eight years ago. But Rey had no inkling they were possibly something more. And if they are something more, _how long_ have they been something more? _And why didn’t Ben tell her?_

“Oh, hey, Rey.”

Rey turns and she sees Vera coming toward her, a small smirk playing on her face.

Rey wishes she were invisible. Vera has always been the less kind of the two cousins, and Rey has known Vera long enough to know that the smirk on her face is dangerous.

“Come to say goodbye to Ben?”

“No. I just like looking at the Falcon,” she lies. “It’s a legendary ship.”

Vera chuckles. “I thought you’d want to say bye to your buddy.”

“No, we said goodbye last night.”

“Oh, that’s right. Ben told us he was stopping by your room after he left ours. He had come by to show Fanna the final version of the dress she’s wearing to Senator Organa’s ball.”

Her heart sinks into her stomach at the knowledge that Fanna would be wearing the gorgeous dress she’d seen last night on Ben’s datapad.

When she doesn’t immediately say anything, Vera takes the opportunity to strike.

“You didn’t know, did you Rey?” There’s a cruel lilt to Vera’s voice that makes Rey want to throw up.

“I—No, I didn’t.”

“They’ve been quietly seeing each other for a few months. Fanna going with Ben to this ball just makes it all official. She’s so excited. She’s had a crush on Ben for forever, you know?”

“Oh.”

Vera chuckles again, this time a little softer, and says, “I’m heading over to say goodbye. Sure you don’t want to join?”

Rey shakes her head. “No, I think I’m going to head back to the Temple.”

Vera nods before heading in the direction of the Millennium Falcon. Rey waits until everyone over by the ship is distracted by Vera’s appearance before high-tailing it out the hangar.

She makes it halfway to the Temple before the tears begin to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing this fic, and I can't wait to continue to share it with you.
> 
> The angst will continue in the next chapter, but don't worry--this fic will have a delightfully happy ending.
> 
> Please check out the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/hf2zzuircshec9x8vx6vatom3/playlist/0e7JqjhGQDbwoOWuNKkvBy) to this fic. It's what I write this story to, and you may even get a sneak peak of themes to come!


	6. 17 & 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New songs have been added to the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/hf2zzuircshec9x8vx6vatom3/playlist/0e7JqjhGQDbwoOWuNKkvBy)! Check it out!

The energy in the lower level training room shifts dramatically towards the end of Rey’s lesson.

Luke recently asked her to lead a basic class, teaching the handful of younger students basic sparring positions. It’s barely a class at all, but Rey appreciates the responsibility.

But as she bows to the four students she’s spent the last hour teaching, she feels…an overwhelming, almost oppressive despondency fill the room. The kids must feel it too because they all look at each other with looks of confusion, concern, or both.

After dismissing the class, she climbs up the ancient steps two at a time to the ground level of the Temple and sees practically all of the students huddled together whispering conspiratorially. Master Luke and the other adult Jedi are hunched in their own little circle, grave looks on their faces.

Rey approaches the huddle of students. “What’s going on?”

It’s Kalli, the redheaded student her own age that turns to her. Her brown eyes are wide as she says, “Some senator just announced to the whole galaxy that Anakin Skywalker was _Darth Vader._ ”

“What?” Rey exclaims sharply.

Kinner, the attractive blond a year older than Rey, adds, “Which means Darth Vader is Master Luke’s _father_.”

_And Ben’s grandfather_ , Rey thinks with horror.

Before Rey can say anything else, she feels a strong grip tug on her forearm. She turns around to see Fanna, looking frantic.

“I can’t find him, Rey. He heard the news and he ran off. I’ve looked everywhere.”

“Have you tried reaching out?” Rey asks.

Tears fall from her eyes as she responds, “ _Yes!_ He’s closed himself off from everyone.”

If Fanna can’t find him, Rey doesn’t know what hope she has. She and Ben barely hang out anymore; they stopped around the time Ben and Fanna made their relationship known to the other students. Occasionally, they’ll still spar in the early mornings before everyone else is awake, but it’s not the same as before. Their fights are professional and perfunctory. There’s no more playful teasing or flashy showing off.

As they’ve gotten older, they’ve drifted apart. It was bound to happen, Rey tells herself more often than she’d care to admit.

“Please, Rey,” Fanna begs, breaking Rey away from her thoughts. “Rey, you know him better than anyone. You’ve got to have some idea of where he could be.”

If this whole situation wasn’t so upsetting, Rey would almost be flattered.

There is one place that Rey thinks Ben could be. But surely Fanna knows about it. She and Ben have been together for almost two years; surely, Ben has taken her to his spot.

_But just in case, he hasn’t…_

“I have an idea,” Rey says. “But I think—I think I should probably go alone.”

Fanna doesn’t argue. She just nods.

Rey sprints off in the direction of the forest, ignoring the confused looks of the other students.

She keeps telling herself over and over again that there’s no way Ben could be at his special spot because he _must_ have taken Fanna there at some point. She tries not to think of how it’d be the perfect place for them to have some alone time. She pushes the thought from her mind over and over until she finally reaches the clearing and to her surprise, there is Ben, sitting in the grass and leaning against his boulder with his head in his hands.

Rey approaches him slowly, but the sound of her shoes crunching on the fallen leaves must alert Ben to her presence because he looks up. Rey’s heart breaks at what she sees.

His eyes are swollen and his expression is so miserable that Rey just wants to wrap him in her arms and protect him from whatever pain he’s surely feeling.

“I want to be left alone,” he tells her, his voice scratchy.

“No one can find you,” she replies, ignoring his statement. She sits down next to him against the boulder but gives him enough space so that their shoulders don’t touch. “People were getting worried. Are you okay?”

“I just found out—along with the rest of the world—that my grandfather was _Darth Vader._ Yeah, of course, I’m okay.”

Rey frowns at his half-hearted sarcasm. “ _Ben_.”

He groans and rubs a hand down his face before dropping his gaze. “Please go, Rey.”

“No.” Her voice comes out firmer than she’d expected.

“I don’t feel like talking,” he tells her, eyes not straying from his lap.

“You don’t have to. We can just sit here in silence. Or maybe…I can talk.”

He sighs but doesn’t ask her to leave again, so Rey takes that as a good sign.

“I’m sorry you had to hear about it like everyone else. You deserve better than that.”

At that she puts her hand on the shoulder nearest her, but he still doesn’t look up at her. She gives him a little squeeze before sighing and removing her hand.

“But Darth Vader being…your grandfather has nothing to do with you. Who you come from doesn’t matter; all that matters is who _you_ are and who _you_ become. I mean, look at me. I don’t come from anyone. I don’t even know who my parents are.” She pauses to swallow the lump in her throat and compose herself once more. “I’m _nothing._ But that doesn't have anything to do with my skill or ability or what kind of friend I am. None of it matters, Ben.”

“You’re not nothing,” he says with conviction, surprising her when he looks up to meet her gaze. Rey watches, transfixed, as his hand reaches out and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Not to me.”

Her breath catches, and she can’t find any words to speak. Ben offers her the tiniest, saddest smile before putting an arm around her and pulling her into him.

Rey rests her head on his shoulder, and they don’t speak for a long time. Ben gently strokes her arm, as Rey focuses all of her attention on Ben’s breathing, and to her relief, the sound of his respirations eventually go from shaky to even once more.

She really has no idea how long they sit there in silence, but it’s long enough that Rey is about to suggest they head back to the Temple when Ben finally speaks again.

“Rey,” he says, his voice quiet and almost hesitant.

She doesn’t lift her head from her shoulder as she replies with an equally quiet, “Hmm?”

“I’m leaving the Temple.”

She jolts up and turns to face him. He looks sad and nervous but also… _resigned_.

“For how long?”

He doesn’t respond. He only keeps looking at her with this unsettling expression. She thinks she might even see tears in his eyes.

“How long will you be gone, Ben?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m coming back.”

“You can’t just…not come back,” she frantically tells him.

“My mother sent me here to come live with Luke. I didn’t want to come here initially, but the two of them believed it was what was best for me, as a _Skywalker.”_

Rey glances at the tally marks on the boulder behind them, as Ben continues talking.

_“_ I didn’t want to be here, but I learned to embrace it. I _embraced_ this legacy that I never asked to be a part of. But this…finding out the _Anakin Skywalker_ was _Darth Vader_ is the tipping point. Everything I know, everything I was made to believe has been a lie, and I no longer want to be apart of this legacy.”

She’s so desperate for him not to go, so desperate for a reason that will make him stay, she asks, “What about Fanna?”

Ben frowns at her statement, almost as if he knows she’s grasping at straws.

His eyes leave hers as he says, “I don’t think that was going to work out anyway.”

“What about _me_?”

“ _Rey_.” His voice is so gentle, but she can still hear the crack in his voice when he speaks.

“What about me?” she asks again, though it’s more pleading than asking.

Tears begin to fall from his honey brown eyes, and he pulls her into a hug.

“What about me, Ben?” she cries into his shoulder.

They cling tightly to each other as they both cry. Neither moves until the darkness of night takes over, and only then do they slowly get up and walk silently back to the Temple, tears still occasionally leaking from their eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter are sort of the turning point for this fic. I was really excited to share this chapter, and I'm excited about the next one as well. It's going to be a doozy length-wise, so it'll probably be at least a week or two before it's posted, just fyi.
> 
> Also, I just want to say in Ben's defense for staying with Fanna for two years...most people I know (particularly in their first relationships) have stayed in relationships that they knew deep down ultimately weren't going to work out because staying was comfortable and easy. Is that ideal? No, not at all. But in my experience, it happens a lot, so I'm going to cut him some slack on this.


	7. 19 & 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, folks. This chapter is a doozy.

“Where did you learn _that_?” Rey exclaims, as her friend and frequent sparring partner, Kalli, performs an impressive new move Rey has never seen her use before.

“Read about it in the archives,” Kalli replies, clearly pleased to have the upper hand on Rey for once.

Kalli’s green saber clashes against Rey’s blue one, and Rey quickly pivots away.

Rey groans but there’s lightheartedness to it. “You’re such a bookworm, Kal.”

“Gotta figure out some way to beat you,” Kalli laughs, as she blocks Rey’s next blow.

It’s a common occurrence now for Rey and Kalli to spar together in the afternoons, especially now that the weather has cooled. Truthfully, Rey will spar with anyone, but Kalli has become her closest friend over the past two years, so it’s usually her that Rey goes up against.

Their friend Micah woops from the sidelines as Kalli begins to drive Rey backward. “You got this, Kalli! You got her this time!”

Rey’s become so good at sparring that most everyone cheers against her now. It doesn’t offend her though; frankly, she takes it as a badge of honor. She’s becoming the Jedi she’s always dreamed of being.

“Surrender,” Kalli demands, still driving Rey back.

Rey lets her friend continue to push her backward and only exerts the minimal amount of effort needed to keep from instantly losing the fight. She remembers what someone told her a long time ago, and she knows pretty soon Kalli is going to grow tired. And it’s at that moment that Rey plans to strike.

To Rey’s surprise, that moment comes sooner than expected. She feels Kalli’s strength weaken just enough that Rey is able to push her away and finally take the offense.

But suddenly she’s hit with a _feeling_ she hasn’t felt in a quite some time, and she freezes in shock.

“Rey?” Kalli asks, confused.

“Do you feel that?” Rey almost whispers. She reaches out, and she more clearly feels exactly what she thought. “Didn’t Master Luke say that Han was coming soon for his supply drop off?”

“Uh, yeah,” Kalli replies, now extinguishing her lightsaber. “Why?”

Rey doesn’t answer. Instead, she immediately takes off in a run toward the hangar.

“Rey!” her two friends call out. “Where are you going?”

She doesn’t slow down until she gets to the hangar where, sure enough, the _Millennium Falcon_ has landed. There are a handful of students surrounding the ship; Han is popular among the students, and they always get so excited when he visits. Luke is there as well, standing in front of the kids, waiting for the hatch to come down.

Rey hangs back, remaining at the entrance of the hangar and wondering if her intuition is correct. She waits with baited breath as the hatch comes down, and Han and Chewbacca exit the ship, both carrying large boxes of supplies.

Rey exhales, not sure if she’s relieved or disappointed, but just as she turns to leave, there’s a hush that comes over the crowd in the hangar. She turns around once more, and her heart comes to an abrupt stop in her chest.

Ben Solo, dressed in casual civilian clothes not much different than his father’s, exits the ship, also carrying a large crate.

It’s the first time she’s seen him since he left two days after learning his grandfather was Darth Vader, and it’s overwhelming to say the least.

He’s broader now and has both a mustache and goatee. His black hair is also the longest she’s ever seen it, coming down to just above his shoulders. There’s ease in the way he walks, one Rey doesn’t remember ever being there before.

She wants to run, to hide, but she’s frozen in place and unable to look away, as Ben makes his way down the ramp, eyes taking everything in. It’s only when those roving eyes eventually meet hers from across the hangar that whatever was keeping Rey in place melts away, and she takes off.

***

“I can’t believe he’s back,” Kinner says at dinner later that evening.

Kalli frowns. “He’s not back. He’s just visiting. He works with Han now.”

Rey, whose eyes had previously been glued to her plate of fresh greens, looks up at Kalli. “Is that what you heard?”

“It’s what he said,” Micah butts in, before taking a bite of his nerf steak. Then with a full mouth, he continues, “He’s been visiting with everyone in the big audience hall all afternoon.”

“Oh.”

Kalli puts a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “Are you okay, Rey?”

Rey shrugs because, honestly, she’s not sure of the answer.

She’d heard from Ben once since he'd left the Temple. He’d sent her an audio communiqué a few weeks after leaving, just letting her know he was okay. It was twenty seconds long, and he left no code for her to send a response. After that, there was nothing.

_There’s been nothing for two years._

She’d been heartbroken for several months before her peers had had enough of her moping around and demanded she started spending more time with them.

Prior to Ben leaving, Rey really didn’t hang out with the other students around her age. Sure, they studied and trained together and were cordial to one another during their free time, but the only person Rey really considered her friend was Ben. And whenever he was busy with friends his own age, she’d find some solitary activity with which to occupy her time.

But now she had Kalli, Micah, and Kinner, and Rey discovered that it was really nice to have friends. The four of them had so much fun together that on some days Rey wouldn’t even think about Ben. And then on the days she did, she’d go to Kalli, who would listen as Rey would vent and sometimes even cry until she had gotten it out of her system for the time being.

“We’ll beat him up if you want, Rey,” Kinner offers. “No lightsabers required. Just a good, old-fashioned fist fight.”

Rey chuckles, but there isn’t any heart in it. “I don’t think that’s necessary. But thank you anyway.”

“Speaking of the devil,” Micah says, his eyes going to the entrance of the mess hall, where Ben is.

Rey watches as Ben waves to various people in the mess hall, before grabbing a piece of jogan fruit and scanning the hall where his eyes land on Rey for the second time that day.

Rey, for her part, immediately drops her eyes to her plate and begins shoveling greens into her mouth.

“He’s coming this way,” Kinner alerts her. “What do you want us to do?”

Rey shakes her head. “Nothing. Just…don’t leave me alone with him.”

“You got it,” Kalli replies.

Rey’s eyes are still on her plate when Ben approaches her table.

“Hey.”

It’s the first time she’s heard his voice in two years, and it sends traitorous shivers down her spine.

“Hey,” Kinner greets for her. “How you been, Solo?”

Even with her head down, Rey can sense Ben’s attention shift from her to Kinner, and she can almost picture the slightly bemused look that likely crosses his face.

“I’m fine, Kinner. How about you?”

“Oh, I’m _great_ ,” he says, and Rey can hear his attempt at menace. “Been working out a lot actually, got a lot of—”

“ _Kinner_ ,” Rey mumbles, looking at her friend.

“I was just saying…”

Reluctantly and with every ounce of bravery she has, she turns her attention to Ben, whose wide eyes return to hers.

“Hey, Rey.”

And damn him for using her name in that deep, velvety voice of his.

“Hi.”

Now that he’s said hello, it appears he doesn’t have the slightest idea as to what to do next. Rey doesn’t either, of course, so they just stare at each other. Thankfully, Kalli swoops in to save her.

“So you’re working with your dad now, huh?”

Ben is clearly startled by Kalli’s question, and his eyes barely leave Rey’s when he answers. “Yeah. For about six months now.”

“And how’s that been?”

“Really good,” he replies, still looking only at Rey. “Hey, Rey, you think we could go somewhere and…catch up.”

“Um, I’m eating with my friends right now actually,” she says in a quiet voice.

“Later then? Whenever works best for you.”

“I really—“

“ _Please_ , _Rey_.” His voice is clear, but there is an intensity, an urgency behind it.

She sighs and then nods. “Okay.”

His face relaxes. “Great. When would you prefer?”

“Meet me outside the main doors at dusk,” she tells him.

He nods. “Outside the main doors at dusk.”

***

He’s already there, waiting for her when she gets to the main doors of the ancient temple.

“You came,” he states in a soft, relieved voice.

“I did,” she replies as she walks right past him and in the direction of the forest, knowing he’ll follow.

And of course he does.

“I was sort of nervous you might not.”

Rey shrugs but doesn’t say anything.

“Are we going to—?“

“Yes.”

“I was hoping to stop by there while I was here.”

Rey hums, and Ben seems to understand that she’s not yet ready to start talking. They walk the rest of the way in silence until they eventually reach the clearing that was Ben’s special spot while he studied at the Temple.

Rey, still not saying anything, goes to sit on the ground against the boulder and watches as Ben tries to figure out where to position himself. Eventually he comes to a decision and sits beside her but leaves enough space so that they’re not touching. Their positions remind her of the last time they were here together.

Ben clears his throat as he digs something out of his pants’ pocket.

“I brought this,” he says, producing a flask. “I know you probably haven’t drunk, but I…thought it might make all of this a little easier, at least at first, and if not—“

Rey grabs the flask from him and downs some of liquor inside.

It’s horrible, but she tries not to let her distaste show, and when she hands the flask back to Ben, she sees his eyes have gone wide.

“Well, then.”

Rey can’t help but snort. “Well, then,” she repeats, unable to resist quirking an eyebrow.

The corners of his mouth twitch upward and his eyes have gone soft. “I’ve missed you, Rey.”

She turns, looking straight ahead instead of at him. “Yeah?”

“So much.”

It feels so good to hear him say he missed her, but deep down she knows they’re just empty words. If he’d really missed her, surely he’d kept in touch.

“Didn’t seem like it,” she mumbles.

“I did,” he assures her fiercely, turning his body to face her. She still looks forward.

She keeps her voice even but allows the anger she feels to slip through. “But with the exception of one brief message, you made no attempts to communicate with me. I didn’t hear from you for _two years_ , Ben, and I’m expected to believe that you _missed me so much_.”

Out of her periphery, Rey sees Ben flinch, almost as if he’s been slapped.

_Good_ , she thinks vindictively.

“Rey,” he whispers, his usually smooth voice hoarse, “I thought I’d keep in touch. I meant that. But then I realized that talking to you would only make me want to come back. And deep down I knew I wasn’t supposed to come back. I needed to separate myself from this place and to take in life outside of the Temple, outside of my family legacy. I needed to just be _Ben_.”

It makes sense, Rey supposes, but his lack of communication still stings.

As if he reading her mind, he continues, “I should have told you all this at the time. That was my mistake, and I am _so_ sorry. I know I’ve hurt you, and I wish I could take it back.”

It’s only then that Rey turns to him. She sees the sincerity in his eyes and drinks it in for a moment, before reaching for flask and gulping down another awful sip.

“You _really_ hurt me,” she tells him, after she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

“I know, Rey. I wish I could change how I handled everything.”

“But you can’t.”

“I know.”

She sighs as she hands him the flask back once again, her eyes returning forward. “And when you leave again tomorrow or the day after, will you disappear again?”

He shakes his head. “No. Not unless you want me to. The Falcon may be a piece of junk, but it has a working transmitter. I could send you messages every day if you wanted.”

Rey refuses to let on as to how much she loves that idea, so she keeps her expression indiscernible.

“That’s right. You’ve been working for your father,” she comments, swerving around his statement. “How did that happen?”

Now it’s Ben’s turn to take a sip from his flask. Once he’s swallowed, he explains.

“I pretty much went off the grid after I left,” he tells her, his gaze also seeming to go to the invisible spot ahead of them that Rey has been looking at. “I traveled all around the outer rim, working odd jobs during the day and meditating at night. About a year and a half in, I was getting pretty antsy, and I started thinking about finding a new planet to go to. I was working in a pretty seedy cantina at the time, and one day who walks in but Chewie and my father.

“It’s a small cantina, so there was no way I could avoid them and, of course, they spotted me. My father and I wound up sitting down and talking for a long time, and at the end of the conversation he asked me if I’d like to work with him and Chewie for awhile.”

“And you said yes?”

Ben nods, as he absentmindedly runs his fingers through the damp grass around him. “It was difficult at first, but it’s wound up being the best thing that could have happened.”

“Why?” she asks.

“Because we’re starting to understand each other now. I’d resented him for so long because he hadn’t wanted to send me here, but instead of fighting for me, he let my mom make the final decision. All this time, I thought it was because I wasn’t a good son or he didn’t love me enough. I hated him for it, but I also yearned for his approval.

“But after many late night conversations on the Falcon together, I began to realize that I didn’t need to earn his approval because I’d had it all along. He was so proud of me, he said. For all I’d done at the Temple _and_ for making the decision to leave and try to be my own man. He said it had taken him a very long time to become the kind of man he could be proud of, and that I’d always be ahead of him when it came to that. _You’re wise beyond your years, kid_ , he’d said.”

Ben does his best impression of his father’s gravelly voice, and Rey lets out a choked laugh. At the sound, he pulls out a scrap of fabric from his pocket and turns to hand it to her.

“Thank you,” she tells him.

“You’re welcome.”

Rey takes a moment to dab at her eyes, as she tries to process everything Ben has just told her. As angry as she is at him for his lack of communication, she also can’t help but be incredibly proud of him. She’d never understood why he resented his father so much, and it had always bothered her because she would have killed for a father like Han. But now as the pieces are put together for her, she’s beginning to understand.

Rey hands the cloth back to Ben, who returns it to his pocket.

“You sound like you’re at peace.”

“I’m starting to be.”

Unable to stop herself, she puts her hand on his thigh. “I’m glad.”

“You seem to be doing pretty well too,” he comments, as he places his hand on top of hers. She waits for him to lace their fingers together, but he doesn’t. “I was happy to see you sitting at a table with other students in the mess hall. You used to take your meals outside on the temple steps.”

“Yeah, I have friends now,” she tells him, unable to keep the pride from her voice. “I guess that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t left.”

Ben only hums in response.

Not sure what to do with the silence that begins to brew between them, Rey takes the flask from him once more, and this time she takes in a little more than had meant to and she can’t hide the disgusted face she makes.

Ben, who’d been watching her, chuckles and takes the flask from her

“Corellian whiskey,” he tells her lifting up the flask a little. “It’s an acquired taste.”

“That’s for sure.” She clears her throat and then adds, “I’ve only ever had a Tattooine sunrise and that was so fruity, you couldn’t even taste the alcohol.”

Even in the dark, Rey can see Ben’s eyebrow shoot up in surprise. “And where exactly did you have a Tattooine sunrise?”

“A couple of us might have snuck off Temple grounds last year and gone to that cantina in the village.”

“Rey!” Ben exclaims, clearly pretending to be scandalized.

She pushes his shoulder and turns her whole body to face him. “What? You did the exact same thing. We got the idea from Vera actually.”

Ben rolls his eyes and groans. “Of course, you did. I at least hope you were careful.”

She snorts at his comment because obviously a bunch of drunk non-Force users are no match for four highly skilled Jedi.

“I mean it, Rey.” His voice takes on a much more serious tone. His face then scrunches up in confusion and he asks, “Where did you even get the money for drinks? When we went we used the credits my dad snuck me once when he’d visited, but how did you guys manage?”

“You can’t tell Master Luke,” Rey says, which makes Ben’s eyes go big.

“What did you do, Rey?”

She looks down at her hands placed in her lap and says, “It’s not what I did. It’s what Kalli did.”

“What did she do?”

“She flirted with this one guy and convinced him to buy us all drinks. She even wound up in kissing him at the end of the night.”

“And it was just Kalli who did that?”

“You mean did _I_ flirt with and kiss a perfect stranger for free drinks? No, definitely not.”

“Good.” He sounds relieved.

“Would it have been a problem if I had?” she asks, not bothering to keep the defiance out of her voice.

Ben shrugs. “No.”

Rey cocks an eyebrow at him, and Ben clears his throat.

“I'd just...want your first kiss to be with someone who wasn't stranger in a cantina. Presuming that would have been your first kiss, of course,” he adds awkwardly.

“It would have been,” she murmurs. She focuses her attention once more on her increasingly fidgety hands in her lap.

She sees Ben nod slowly out of her periphery and waits for him to say something. When he doesn’t, she looks up at him to find him still looking at her, his brow furrowed.

“What?” she asks, a bit defensively because she finds the way he’s almost _studying_ her unnerving.

Ben shakes his head, seeming to come out of whatever trance he was in. He runs a hand through his hair, before standing to now lean against the boulder.

Rey looks up at him for a second, confused, before scrambling to her feet. “What, Ben?”

“I was just thinking,” he tells her.

“About what?”

“Rey,” he says, turning to her fully and taking her hands in his own.

The gesture not only takes her surprise; it completely takes her breath away. She can’t remember the last time Ben had held her hand. It must have been before she had become a teenager, but she can’t be sure. They still feel the same though, large, a bit cool, and covered in callouses.

“What?” Her voice is barely a whisper.

“Can I—can I kiss you?”

Her voice is _definitely not_ a whisper this time. “ _What_?”

He squeezes her hands, and his eyes implore hers.

“I just—“ he shakes his head and tries again. “You deserve to have your first kiss be with someone who cares about you. Not in a grimy cantina, not in a game of spin the lightsaber, not—“

It’s totally beside the point, but she responds, “I think I’m a little old for spin the lightsaber.”

“I know. That’s how _I_ had my first kiss.”

“Oh.”

“I care about you, Rey. _So much_. And I totally understand if this is something you want to save for someone else, but—“

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes. Yes, you can kiss me,” she says, hoping she doesn’t sound too eager.

It’s obviously not the first time she’s considered what it’d be like to kiss Ben, though she never believed she’d actually get the opportunity. So even though he’s leaving again in a day or two, even though they’re nothing more than friends, she says _yes_ because she refuses to let this chance pass her by.

His smile is almost arresting in its tenderness as he lets go of one of her hands and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and before letting his hand linger and come to rest on her neck.

“Close your eyes, Rey,” he whispers, and she complies.

She _feels_ him lean in, and then she _hears_ him inhale. Her heart is pounding wildly in her chest, as she waits for him to close the distance, and when a few seconds go by and he doesn’t, she fears that this has all been a mistake, and maybe he’s changed his mind, and what if—?

Suddenly, his lips are pressed gently to hers, and though he hasn’t even _moved_ them yet, Rey feels her whole world tilt on its axis.

Ben’s lips are soft and move slowly across her own. He lets go of the hand that he’d been holding and moves his own hand to her waist and Rey allows herself to be pulled in a little closer. His other hand, the one previously on her neck, joins its partner on her waist, and it feels natural for Rey to wrap her arms around his neck in response

He seems to take this as a sign of encouragement, and his movements become a bit bolder, a bit more sure, and they make her want to keep up. She does her best to follow his lead, as it becomes clear that they are no longer kissing for the same reason they were when they started.

This is more.

Unfortunately, just as Rey starts to feel like she knows what she’s doing, Ben begins to pull away.

“You’re amazing, Rey.”

“Why’d you stop?”

Both statements are said simultaneously in soft, breathless voices, and Rey blushes both at his words and her own boldness.

“I didn’t want to…take advantage,” he tells her.

“Oh.”

They’re still close. His hands are still on her waist, and her arms are still around his neck, and she doesn’t even realize it, but she’s gently playing with the hairs on his nape.

His head leans towards hers just a little. “Did you not want me to stop?”

Rey bites her lip because _of course_ she hadn’t wanted him to stop. Now that she knows what it’s like to kiss Ben, she knows she doesn’t ever want to kiss anyone else. And that thought should frighten her, should warn her of the possible heartbreak that comes with these unyielding feelings for this man who broke her heart once and who will be gone again soon, but in this moment, she can’t think about that. All she can think is _One more kiss. Please, Ben, just one more._

It’s not that Ben can read her mind; he can’t. But he must sense, at least to some extent, the feelings radiating off of her because he captures her lips again, this time much more fiercely.

While the first kiss had started off slow and careful, this kiss is all passion. Almost immediately, he coaxes Rey’s mouth open, and Rey lets out a soft whine when she feels his tongue begin to caress her own.

She’d been teased, albeit playfully, by her friends due to her being the only one among them who had never been kissed. And at times, she had wondered if perhaps she had missed out on something. But now she’s glad, _so glad_ , she’d waited. No other kiss by any other person could come close to this one.

His hands travel to her head, his fingers weaving into her hair, while Rey’s hands clutch at his tan shirt, and then it’s his turn to let out a little noise. The sound gives her the confidence she needs to take over some of the control of the kiss, and from there, they wrestle back and forth for the control, both eager in their passion and a little bit desperate, knowing that there’s a time limit set on all of this.

Rey’s not sure how long this goes on for, but finally they gently pull apart, only enough so that there lips aren’t touching anymore. Ben leans his forehead against Rey’s and says once more, “You’re amazing, Rey. So amazing. I wish I didn’t have to go.”

“You don’t,” she tells him, out of breath and still clinging to his shirt. “You can stay.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to come back,” he says, pulling away a little more. “Things with my dad are good, but we’ve got a lot of making up for lost time. I resented him for so long, Rey, and I owe it to him to stick around a bit longer. Not to mention, you don’t think as much about legacy when you’re flying around the galaxy with your father.”

Rey nods, albeit with tears in her eyes. It’s a slight comfort to see Ben has tears filling his eyes as well.

“I’ll come back for you, sweetheart,” he tells her, as he pulls her into an embrace. “In one form or another, I’ll come back.”

***

Two days later, Rey stands in the hangar as she watches Han, Chewie, and Ben load a few boxes onto the _Millennium Falcon._ Master Luke and many other students also stand around, watching, but Rey pays them no mind. She’s only got eyes for the young man whose own eyes twinkle every time they covertly meet her own.

Once they’re done loading supplies, Han, Chewie, and Ben go to stay goodbye to Luke. Rey looks on as her teacher exchanges a few words before hugging all three.

Once he’s done saying goodbye to his uncle, Ben walks towards Rey, who had chosen to stand someone separately from the other students. His smile both reassures her and causes her heart to squeeze tightly in her chest.

“Remember what I told you,” he says in a quiet voice that only she can hear.

“I will,” she responds, looking up for him.

She decides she’s going to wait for him to make the next move, unsure of how comfortable he is with affection in front of his father, uncle, and former classmates.

“Good,” he states before pulling her into a tight hug.

Rey does her best to savor the feeling of being in his arms, knowing she’s not sure when exactly she’ll see him again; she only knows that she will.

_He’ll come back,_ he’d promised. _He’ll come back for_ her.

Just before they pull apart, Ben plants a soft kiss on the top of her head, and Rey already knows she’s going to be bombarded with questions from the other students because of it.

“After you went to sleep last night, Chewie showed me some of the updates he and your father had made to the _Falcon_ ,” Rey tells him.

Last night, she’d spent most of the evening on the ship with Ben, Han, and Chewie, just hanging out. It was the most time she’d ever spent on the ship, and she somehow managed to fall even _deeper_ in love with it.

“And sure enough, one of the things I saw was a brand new transmitter, just as you said,” she continues. “So don’t be a stranger, Ben. _Please_.”

His crooked grin is wide as he replies, “I won’t. Not this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've now passed the turning point in this fic. I was really excited to write this chapter but also incredibly nervous because there was so much to cover. It's pretty much the chapter I've been thinking about since I decided to write this. I hope I was able to successfully convey everything I wanted to for you all. Perhaps the reason for the title became a bit more clear after reading this chapter.
> 
> This chapter also pulls a tad bit of inspiration from The Perks of Being a Wallflower when Sam kisses Charlie because she believes his first kiss should be with someone who loves him. Of course, Ben's deeper reasoning is way less depressing than Sam's, but I just love that scene in the book (and movie!) so much and thought it fit well in this universe.
> 
> I'll stop rambling now. Please check out the updated [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/hf2zzuircshec9x8vx6vatom3/playlist/0e7JqjhGQDbwoOWuNKkvBy) that now includes this fic's namesake.


	8. 20 & 24, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for such a long wait. August was a busy month, and this chapter was difficult to write because it's a bit of a transition chapter.

Ben stands in a vast hall, ostentatiously decorated with flowers native to Corellia. He stands at his mother’s side, as they receive mourner after mourner. Ben had gotten to know his father well enough over the past year to know his father would have hated it, but as Ben’s coming to find out, funerals are more for the living than for the dead.

He supposes it’s a good thing that his father’s unexpected death happened while the two of them had been visiting his mother on Coruscant. They’d been having dinner, just the three of them, something that Ben is pretty sure hadn’t happened since before he left for Luke’s temple as a child. It had been a really nice dinner, too. Leia had made the meal from scratch—with a lot of help from Threepio, Ben reckons—and the conversation had been pleasant.

Ben had told his parents about his plans to visit Rey at the Temple, which was received with knowing looks from both his parents. Ben couldn’t even find it in himself to hide his blush. He’d been so happy ever since his reunion with Rey. They nearly talked every day, if not in real time then definitely with messages.

Not a moment went by that Ben didn’t recognize how lucky he was that Rey had accepted him back into her life.

He’d hurt her, and he regretted it terribly. But by the time he felt he was in a place to reach out to her, he feared she wouldn’t want to talk to him. And she would have been well within her right.

He’d thought about her every day while he was away, though as time went on, it got easier to be away from her. Early on, he’d wanted to make contact with her, but he knew if he did, she’d convince him to return to the Temple, even if she did so unintentionally. She was his best friend, after all, and the only connection to the Temple that he hadn’t wanted to let go of.

When he finally saw her again, he couldn’t believe it: Rey had grown into a woman. She wasn’t the little girl who always tagged along with him anymore. She had made friends, she had newfound confidence, and she had become quite beautiful.

Understandably, it had taken her a little bit of time to warm up to him again. She was upset and hurt by him, and he deserved the bit of a cold shoulder she’d given him in the beginning. But eventually, they began to talk with honesty and candor, and Ben had felt an enormous sense of relief, even if some of the topics had been difficult to discuss.

And then the conversation had changed and somehow he found himself offering—no, _asking_ —if he could kiss her. He hadn’t even thought about it before he’d spoken up. 

It wasn’t as if he’d never thought of Rey _like that_ before. During his last year at the Temple, he’d had been fleeting thoughts about her, but she was still so young and he was with Fanna, and it just hadn’t seemed like it would ever be a reality. But returning to the temple after thinking about her so often during his time away and seeing how she’d matured in the two years since he’d left, Ben couldn’t help the words _Can I kiss you?_ from stumbling out of his mouth.

And then when they _did_ kiss, it became clear almost immediately that they weren’t just kissing so that Rey could have her first one with someone who cared about her. They were kissing because something that had always been there was finally awakened.

There hadn’t been much discussion on what would happen next, only that he’d come back and they’d figure it out. It was a vague promise, Ben knew, but one he whole-heartedly meant.

In recent months, his dad had talked about slowing down and taking on less jobs, and Ben saw that as the perfect opportunity to return to the Temple and finally figure out this thing with Rey. And he’d been talking about this planned trip with his parents when his dad had visibly tensed up across the table from him.

“Han? Is something wrong?”

Han shook his head. “No. Just a bit indigestion.”

With this reassurance, Ben kept on talking. He stopped again when Han began clutching his chest. Again, Leia had asked if he was okay, and Han had reassured it was just indigestion. But by the time dinner was complete, it became clear to all three of them that it was not.

Han didn’t even make it to the med center.

It’s strange, now, standing in front of a closed glass casket, when only a few days ago he and his father had been up in the sky together. He hasn’t cried about it yet. It’s not that he’s numb to the grief; he just doesn’t think he’s had a chance to let his father’s death fully sink in.

People give him their condolences, but they mostly surround his mother. He’d never really been around much; he’d either been at the Temple or traveling with his father, so people don’t really _know_ him the way they know Leia.

Finally, he sees a familiar face in the crowd: Luke.

He hadn’t known his uncle was coming. In fact, he’d thought it’d be nearly impossible to do so with a Temple to run and students to teach. But if Luke’s there, could that mean Rey somehow made it off planet as well?

Ben begins to scan the crowd, looking all over for a hint of chestnut brown hair in three silly buns, but his search is interrupted by his uncle who has now made his way over to Ben and Leia. There’s a long line of mourners still waiting to speak to them, but they all part when they see Luke—galactic hero, Jedi master, and rarely seen brother and friend of Leia and Han.

Luke hugs Leia first. It’s a long embrace and very intimate. He sees his uncle whisper a few words into his mother’s ear and when they pull apart, his mother nods her head and wipes away a few tears from her eyes. It’s the first time he’s seen her cry since his father was pronounced dead by an emergency medic droid.

His uncle then turns his attention to Ben. Before Ben can think of the proper way to greet his uncle and ex-teacher, Luke pulls him into a hug just like the one he’d just witnessed.

“How are you holding up, kid?” Uncle Luke asks when they separate.

“Better than I thought,” Ben answers honestly.

Luke nods knowingly and puts a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “The two of you made amends before he passed. I’m sure that has made all the difference.”

“Yes,” Ben replies, swallowing a lump that’s suddenly formed in his throat. “I’m glad we got that opportunity.”

“I am too.”

Luke then digs in the pockets of his charcoal gray robes and produces a piece of parchment with his name scribbled messily in black ink. Ben looks at it in surprise. No one really writes by hand. It’s a lost art for the most part, though Ben had taken it up as a hobby when he was younger.

Handing the parchment to Ben, Luke says, “She wanted to be here, but I asked her to stay behind to help watch the younger students. She wrote this and asked me to give it to you.”

Something constricts in Ben’s chest.

_He’d taught her how to write._ Or rather, she’d taught herself after tagging along and watching him practice at his special spot enough times.

“Thank you.” He takes the letter and sticks in his pocket.

Luke smiles a little, and Ben notes the twinkle in his uncle’s icy blue eyes. “I didn’t read it, by the way, so don’t worry about that.”

Ben’s face warms, though he’s sure it’s not _that_ kind of letter.

***

Later that night as Ben sits on the bed in his childhood bedroom, he unfolds the piece of parchment paper.

Before he can help himself, he lets out a low laugh, amused by just how poor Rey’s penmanship is. Then he’s reminded of how much work it probably took for her to write this, and he sobers.

He begins reading.

_Ben,_

_When Luke told me about Han’s passing, I fell to my knees. My heart broke, but my pain wasn’t just my own, it was yours too. I wish I could have been there in person for you, but as I cannot be, this letter will have to make do._

_I know you and your father didn’t always have the best relationship, and when I was younger, I didn’t understand that. Han was the coolest guy in any room on any planet in this entire galaxy, and I couldn’t grasp why you didn’t think so as well. As you know, I never had a family, and I couldn’t understand how family dynamics could be so complicated. I always just thought you were being difficult for the sake of being difficult. But after you and I talked during your visit, I began to understand why you felt the way you did towards him. More important than my own understanding though was that things had changed for the better between you two and that you were finally making peace with all that happened between you in the past._

_Ben, I cannot tell you how happy I am that you and Han reunited and that you two were in a good place when he died. You both deserved the opportunity to start over and to have a fulfilling relationship as father and son, and I’m so happy you got that opportunity. He adored you, you know? When he’d come for his drop offs while you were still at the temple, he’d always ask me how you were doing, knowing I’d give up more information than you ever would. He wanted to know everything that was happening in your life, and he seemed to take such genuine delight when I told him._

_In fact, on my very first ride on the Millennium Falcon before I even met you, he told me all about you and promised you’d look after me. I was terrified, but he made me feel like it was going to be okay just because I would have this kid named Ben looking out for me._

_Han saved me from a terrible life because he saw something in me that he recognized in you, and for that, I will always be grateful. I miss him so much already._

_I wish I could be there for you and for your mom, but I’m hopeful I’ll see you soon. Come back when you’re ready, Ben, not before. Until then, I love you and miss you._

_Yours always,_

_Rey_

The tears are flowing freely from Ben’s eyes by the time he finishes reading Rey’s letter. They’re not just sad tears, though. They’re tears of gratitude and of immense love as well.

He re-reads the letter once more before he folds it back up and holds it close to his chest, eventually falling asleep while still clutching it in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter made some of Ben's intentions a bit more clear for some of y'all.
> 
> Also, the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0e7JqjhGQDbwoOWuNKkvBy?si=kQG_FthgSROsq9BI6cJtXw) has been updated with a new song LeiaMyLabrador had suggested awhile back. I think it fits perfectly for this chapter!
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	9. 20 & 24, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all pointless fluff, but I love writing them like this <3

_Three months later…_

The sun is just rising when Ben lands the _Millennium Falcon_ in the hangar just outside the Temple grounds. Knowing that Rey is definitely still asleep in her bed, he makes his way to the main meditation room.

When he steps in the ancient room, he’s hit with a wave of nostalgia. How many hours had he spent in this room? It must have been hundreds. He’d spent many of them with Rey, too, and he chuckles as he remembers how she’d struggled for so long to clear her mind and center herself in the Force. And though Ben has kept up with his meditation since leaving the Temple, he suspects Rey has gotten much better at it than he has. Surely now she’s much better at all aspects of being a Jedi. He swells with pride at the thought.

The room is nearly empty. The only other students there are ones that Ben doesn’t recognize, so he quietly sits down and opens his mind.

***

An hour into his meditation, he feels a strong undulation in the Force, and he knows Rey is awake.

Ben stands and hurries quickly out of the temple and into the quad of the temple grounds, eyes scanning his surroundings. Knowing Rey, her first stop after waking up will either be the meditation room or the dining hall.

It’s both foggy and chilly this morning, and all the students walking by are bundled up in heavy cloaks and capes, which makes it a little more difficult for Ben to spot her. But then he sees a thin drowsy figure with three chestnut buns dragging her feet in the direction of the meditation room.

Smiling, he reaches out and throws a tendril of the Force in her direction. He then watches as Rey, whose eyes were previously down, looks up and meets his own eyes. Any look of weariness instantly disappears from her expression, and she breaks out into a run toward him.

She reaches him in no time, and with no care for who might be watching, launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. His hands instinctively reach around her to stabilize her, and once it’s clear they’re not going to fall over, she kisses him soundly on the mouth, an action that he gladly returns.

When their lips finally separate, Rey, who is still clinging to him, lets out a breathless giggle and says, “Well, this is a surprise.”

Ben removes one hand from under her bottom to brush some loose hairs from her face. “A good one, I hope?”

“A great one,” she replies, kissing him again quickly before sliding off of him but still leaving her arms around his neck.

He takes a moment to look around them and notices that they’ve attracted a bit of attention. Many of the students making their way across the quad have stopped to stare at Ben and Rey’s reunion. Heat rises in his cheeks, and when his meet Rey’s again, he grins as he sees that she’s blushing as well.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I just got here a little over an hour ago.”

Rey grabs his hand. “Great. Let’s get breakfast. I think I’m just going to skip morning meditation.”

“I don’t want to be a bad influence,” he comments, as he lets himself be dragged in the direction of the dining hall.

Rey chuckles. “Too late.”

“Well, don’t go telling Luke that,” Ben comments, watching her out of the corner of his eye. “Then he’ll never let me come back.”

Rey stops in her tracks as her head snaps up to look at him. “What?”

Ben squeezes her hand and smiles down at her. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, especially since my dad died. And I think I’d like to come back and complete my training.”

Rey’s reaction is nothing short of joyous, and it makes her heart jolt a little in his chest.

“Really?”

He nods. “Yeah. I feel much more balanced now. More than I ever did when I was here before.”

“That’s wonderful, Ben.”

Then as if she’s realizing something, her expression dampens, and Ben tugs on her arm.

“What is it?”

“I just don’t want you to come back because of me. I mean, I know we talked about you coming back to me in some capacity, and I figured we’d work it out together, but—“

“ _Rey_ ,” he interrupts firmly but gently. “I was going to come back to you no matter what. I would have worked in the nearby town or even swept the temple grounds if I had to. No matter what, I was always going to come back to you. But that’s the thing. I’m coming back to you, yes, but I’m not coming back to the temple _for_ you. I’m returning to the temple because it’s where I want to be. I’m not being forced by my parents or pressured by you. I’m here because it’s where I want to be. If Luke lets me, of course.”

Rey grins up at him. “He’ll let you.”

“I hope so.”

*** 

After they eat breakfast, they part ways. Rey heads to her morning meditation and training, while Ben goes in search for his uncle. He finds Luke training younglings in a small training room on one of the upper floors of the Temple.

The younglings are working on their lightsaber formations with wooden sticks, reciting each step as they make them, while Luke patiently gives out instructions or corrections as needed. His uncle’s back is to him, but he must sense Ben’s presence because he turns his head and his clear blue eyes meet Ben’s.

He smiles and motions Ben forward. Ben approaches his uncle, who calls a stick into his grip with the Force and hands it to Ben.

“What?” Ben asks blankly, his eyes going between the wooden stick and his uncle’s gaze.

“We’re in the middle of practice,” Luke tells him genially. “So, you’re going to help them practice.”

“Oh, I…”

There’s a twinkle in Luke’s eye as he adds, “Let’s see if you remember.”

Ben feels a little foolish at first as he joins the younglings, both because he’s got over fifteen years on these children and because the steps don’t come as naturally to him as he would have thought. He remembers everything, but he’s about half a step behind.

Finally, Luke ends their lesson and dismisses the children. He doesn’t explain Ben’s presence, so nine pairs of eyes stare at Ben as they return their sticks to the nearby barrel and exit the room.

“You’re rusty,” Luke comments, though there’s no malice in his voice.

Ben sighs. “I know. That’s, uh, kind of why I came back.”

Luke crosses his arms, clearly surprised. “Really?”

“Yes,” Ben replies. He’s still got the wooden stick Luke gave him in his hand, and he twirls it nervously through his fingers. “I wanted to talk to you about coming back to complete my training.”

“Well, let’s talk then,” Luke smiles, directing Ben into a smaller side room that Ben knows Luke uses as a sort of office.

He and his uncle talk for _hours_. Luke, while excited by the prospect of Ben returning, wants to make sure Ben is fully committed and committed for the right reasons, so they talk through the morning, through lunchtime, almost up until it’s time for dinner. As Ben expected, Luke brings up Rey and whether she has had any influence in returning.

“I’m asking if I can complete my training for _me._ I’m ready to finish what I’ve been working toward for most of my life. But even if you say no, even if you won’t take me back as a student, I’d like to stay. _That’s_ for Rey. But wanting to complete my training…that’s all me.”

Luke stares at Ben for a moment, his expression thoughtful.

Ben’s being completely sincere, and he suspects his uncle knows this, but Luke has always been one to think things through and choose his words carefully.

“You’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” Luke eventually says, a small but playful smile spreading across his bearded face.

Ben nods. “I know.”

“It’s going to be a lot of work.”

“I know,” Ben says again seriously.

“Well then,” Luke says clapping his hands together. “Welcome back, Ben.”

*** 

He finds Rey eating dinner with friends in the dining hall. She looks up and meets his eyes the second he enters the room, and his heart jumps at the hopeful look in her eyes.

He tries to greet both Rey and her friends as he settles down next to her on the bench at the table, but Rey is already grabbing Ben’s arm and shaking it.

“Well? What did he say?”

“He said I could come back.”

Rey squeals and throws her arms around Ben to hug him. His arms naturally come up to wrap around her body, and they just sit on there holding each other until Rey’s friend Kinner obnoxiously clears his throat.

“So, you’re going to be joining us once again, Solo?” Kinner asks.

“Yep. I gotta go back home to wrap up a few things, but I should be back soon.” And then looking at Rey, who is absolutely _beaming_ , he adds, “For good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [PLAYLIST](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0e7JqjhGQDbwoOWuNKkvBy?si=kQG_FthgSROsq9BI6cJtXw)


	10. 21 & 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to wrap up this story 4 months later. I'm sorry it took so long. I've been preoccupied with finishing my other fic and with school.

When Ben returns, on the eve of Rey’s birthday, he learns that Luke is unable to give him his old room back, having given it to someone else during Ben’s absence. Fortunately for Ben, his new room is now significantly closer to Rey’s.

It’s Rey who has the honor of escorting him to his room, holding his hand and opening the door with a little _ta-da._ She sticks around, sitting cross-legged on his bed, while he unpacks the few things he brought back with him.

“I think the hardest part of coming back will be getting used to all the…minimalism again,” he comments, as he puts the three tunics he brought with him into the small wooden drawer beside his bed.

She lets out a loud chuckle, causing Ben to turn and look at her. The sight of _her_ smiling and _on his bed_ does things to him. He can’t believe he actually gets to be with her again, that he actually gets to _see_ her and _train_ with her on a daily basis.

“Well, I’ve never known anything but minimalism, so I think the hardest part for me has always been and will always be getting up at sunrise,” she tells him.

Now it’s Ben’s turn to laugh. He joins her on the bed and puts an arm around her. _He gets to do that now._

“You used to be late all the time,” he comments, shaking his head fondly. “Does Luke still fuss at you when you’re late for morning meditation?”

She doesn’t respond immediately. Ben squeezes her shoulders, trying to get her to answer.

Finally, she answers, “Maybe...”

Ben snorts. “Seriously, Rey?”

She pulls away from his embrace and playfully pushes him. “It barely ever happens anymore, I swear! And now that I get to wake knowing you are—“

Ben’s lips stop her from finishing her thought. An adorable, surprised squeak comes from the back of her throat before she melts into him and begins to kiss him back.

When they finally pull back, Ben presses his forehead to hers, taking the opportunity to just breathe the same air as her.

“You know,” Rey begins softly, “The reason I used to be late all the time was because I’d stay up half the night thinking about you.”

And for that, he has to kiss her again.

***

After dinner, he and Rey sneak out to his special spot. They head out there separately, knowing if they go off anywhere together they’ll raise suspicion.

Ben is already out there when Rey arrives, looking beautiful with her hair down—a rare site—and he delights in seeing the expression on her face as she takes in everything.

Ben’s got blankets and pillows laid out on the ground with a handful of lanterns providing a dim lighting. He’s also got a small picnic basket near him, which he’s packed with deserts and champagne.

“Ben!” Rey gasps. “What is all of this?”

The sides of lips quirk upward. “A small birthday celebration.”

She doesn’t immediately respond, and instead only moves closer to sit next to him on the blankets. Ben watches as Rey riffles through the picnic basket.

“Surely, you didn’t just swipe this stuff from the kitchen?” she asks, looking up at him.

Ben chuckles and shakes his head. “No, most of the desserts I brought with me. And the champagne…I actually swiped it from my mother’s house before I left.”

“Ben!” Rey hits him lightly on the chest, clearly trying not to laugh.

“She won’t miss it,” he assures her. “I’d like to think that she’d want me to have it.”

Rey’s lips twist, fighting the smile that threatens to blossom on her face. “Okay…”

Ben takes out the two plates and the two glasses he packed in the basket and hands one of each to Rey. “Help yourself.”

Rey, of course, does. Ben will never get over how enthusiastically Rey eats. He remembers watching her those first few weeks after she came to the Temple and being in awe of how somebody so small could eat so much so fast. He knew Rey’s life had been difficult on Jakku, but he hadn’t realized how dire things had been for her. He, of course, never wanted for anything, so at first, he couldn’t understand her habits when it came to food.

But one day, less than a year after Rey had come to the temple, Ben had discovered Rey sneaking leftovers into her room.

“Whoa, Rey, what are you doing with all that extra food?” he’d asked.

She’d gone completely red, her eyes fell to the floor, and she’d mumbled, “Just in case.”

“Just in case what?”

“In case we run out of food.”

His brow had furrowed and he’d studied her, confused. “We’re not going to run out of food…”

“We might,” she’d responded stubbornly, still not meeting his eyes.

“We won’t,” he’d assured her. “Why do you think we would?”

Finally, Rey’s eyes had met his, and he saw both shame and a bit of fear in them.

She hadn’t needed to explain anything else; he’d understood.

So, now, as Ben watches Rey eat in a similar, yet slightly more polished way, he can’t help but be proud that he’s the one who can provide food for her, even if it’s only dessert and even if it’s technically only for tonight.

“That was all so good, Ben. Thank you,” Rey says, when she’s finally stuffed. She leans back against one of the pillows that Ben had placed against the big boulder, the hallmark of his special spot.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he replies, putting an arm around her and pulling her close.

She sighs happily. “I am so lucky.”

He squeezes her shoulders. “No, Rey, I am. I left, and when I came back, you were still here, and you let me back into your life.”

“Of course I did. What happened after you left…it hurt me. It did. But I realize now that you had to go out there and find yourself. And I couldn’t be a part of that. You’re back on your terms now, and that’s why I know you’ll stay.”

Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Ben replies, “The only way I’ll ever leave is if I can take you with me. There are so many beautiful places in this galaxy that I would love to show you.”

“I’d love to see them.”

“Pick one. Hell, pick two or three. I’ll take you wherever you want.”

Her bright hazel eyes gleam up at him. More recently, she’d given him similar looks to this one, but there is a special shine to _this_ gaze that has his breath hitching.

Rey’s eyes then drop from his and fall to his mouth and, without pause, he leans down and seizes her lips, enjoying their sweetness and how she immediately adjusts herself so that she can wrap her arms around his neck to keep him close.

There may have been a million stars in the sky above them, but Ben is certain that there are more hiding behind his eyelids as he keeps them closed and continues to kiss her.

When they finally separate, though not by much, Ben places a kiss to her forehead and whispers against her now kiss-swollen pink lips, “I have another surprise for you.”

Though she keeps her arms around his neck, Rey pulls back a little to regard him curiously. “Yeah?”

He could feel his cheeks warm. “It’s sort of…cheesy, but I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will.”

Ben turns them so that they are now facing the boulder instead of their backs pressing up against it. He then grabs the lantern to his left to illuminate the large rock, and the moment he does, he hears Rey gasp softly.

It’s almost like he’s watching that seven year old girl again, as Rey brushes her hand across the boulder and drags her fingers across the additional etches Ben had added to the rock before she had arrived.

For over ten years, the only two things etched into stone were Ben’s tallies from his childhood and his name. But now there is a new addition: _\+ Rey_.

It now reads _Ben + Rey._

“It’s your spot as much as it is mine,” he explains tenderly. “And some of my favorite moments between us happened here. It seemed fitting…if a bit cheesy.”

“Thank you. I love it, Ben.”

“I love _you_ , Rey,” he tells her, before reaching his hand out to join hers on the boulder.

She turns her palm over to clasp their hands together and brings their conjoined hands to her lips. She presses a soft kiss to his hand before looking up at him and saying, “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/castles_crowns) and/or [Tumblr!](https://castles-and-crowns.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Against my better judgment, I've decided to go ahead and post this first chapter, despite already having another active WIP. Better Late Than Never will still be my primary focus. I'm just going to use Landslide as a nice break when I need to step away from BLTN for a sec. Because of this, the updates to this fic will likely be sporadic. I've also just started a new block of rigorous classes, so I don't know how much writing I will get done. I am, however, fully committed to this, even if it takes awhile to complete.
> 
> One more note: I love fics where Rey and Ben grow up together training to be Jedi, so this is my stab at one. If anything seems glaringly familiar to another fic like this, please point it out to me. I've probably read every fic where they grow up training together, so it's possible I've subconsciously picked up on something and unintentionally included it in this fic. The overall story, however, is 100% original and is completely outlined. I can't wait to share more with you! <3
> 
> [Tumblr](https://castle-and-crowns.tumblr.com)


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